seriously?

it's impossible for me to not get my hopes up about stuff.  just impossible.

so you can imagine how upset/frustrated i am sitting here at my desktop computer at HOME, and not sitting on a fun laptop in a hospital bed.  i keep thinking, did the doctor really tell me to come to the hospital with my bags packed this morning...or did i dream that?  nope, he definitely said that.  and he definitely sent me home today after i was hooked up to yet another nst monitor for the one billionth time this pregnancy.  the wonderful news is, graham looks absolutely perfect, and so did his fluid levels, which was the reason for their concern earlier in the week.  don't get me wrong, that is WONDERFUL.  but when the doc looked at me and said he was sending me home, i wanted to yell..."SEROIUSLY??"  i should have, actually.  maybe i could've scared him into letting me stay.... but i don't think it would've worked.  however, i'm going to stop believing him about when this kid is getting here.  the truth is, nobody has any idea and apparently i'm the only one who is ready for it to be now.

i had just prepared so much for him to be here this weekend.  my sister was already in town; ben had a great place to stay filled with cousins and distractions; mine, craig's and ben's bags were completely packed with every single thing; all but one grandparent wasn't working (and that's a miracle when you have as many as my kids do).  if this pregnancy had been my first...there would have been no other sluder kids from this little lady.  i can't wait to meet graham, but he sure is making me pay for it.