oh, the mind games.

typically speaking, i am a very logical person.  i know that life is what it is and there are just some things not in our power to change, so to sit and worry about them is a total waste of time.  i also know that there are times when things don't go as planned and the absolute best thing a person can do is to roll with it and be flexible.  but, even with that being said... there is still a part of me that gets my mind set on something and it's hard for me to think differently. (which i realize can be a very unappealing quality, but i also think it makes me better at some things, like running.  when my mind is made up, the finish line is already crossed.  the physical aspect is just a small detail.)

like, for example... and i'm just totally pulling this out of THIN air... (pysch!) the fact that originally this baby was due december 19th.  for about 6 months, december 19th was a perfectly fine time for my little brain to process and imagine the arrival of our 2nd boy.  well, after our preterm labor scare at 28 weeks and my doctor said he'd be happy if i made it to only 35 weeks....that changed everything for me.  my mind officially changed courses and my sights were set on preparing myself for a much earlier arrival of baby graham.  especially when two wednesdays ago he said to me, "i'll be shocked if he doesn't come this weekend."  well so, in my head, the christmas tree scenario with a fresh newborn took a hike and welcomed the thanksgiving turkey scene with a fresh newborn.

and so now, you see, this is the week of thanksgiving and although i am 3 cm dialated... this baby has shown me no promise of entering the world within the next few days or even week.  and before you even THINK these words, let me say them for you..."he'll get here when he's ready," or "he's just still cooking!" or "you want him to be fully developed, don't you?" or "i know you think you want him here, but it's best if he's in there as long as he can be."  well GUESS WHAT?  i know all of those things because yes, i am a very logical person!  however, i had spent so much time thinking "christmas baby, christmas baby" and then someone changed my tune and put "thanksgiving baby" on repeat to me several times and now, i'm just a ball of confusion and i'm having a hard time processing it.

2 weeks ago, little graham was already 6.3 lbs.  they say they gain a pound a week at this point....so that would be him at 8.3 lbs right now.  he is PLENTY big and we have carefully watched his lungs via ultrasound for weeks upon weeks at the doctor's office and they are fully developed and looking fantastic.  so, to me, all signs point go.  unfortunately, it's not up to me.  despite all wives tale rememdies that i've tried, this kid is just hanging out and being stubborn like his mommy.  apparently he has his sights set on a certain date as well.  the little stinker... i wish he'd share his calendar.